Where Was I?
by PrinRue
Summary: For 20 years, Valka had been away from her family. Now, with the death of her husband, she's all her son has left. And she needs to make it up to him, somehow. Valka/Hiccup bonding. Angst and comfort


**Hello, friends! Welcome to my newest HTTYD oneshot, all about Hiccup/Valka bonding! **

**It's loosely inspired by the line "All these years, you took after me. And where was I?" that Valka says after meeting her son again. The difference is it takes place after the events of the movie.**

**Anyway,** **enjoy!**

* * *

Losing a husband was hard on Valka in more ways than just one.

Of course, it was a horrible, seemingly never-ending grief, knowing that the man she'd always loved and only just renewed her relationship with was gone forever. But she also had a son to worry about.

A son she hadn't seen in about twenty years.

A son she hadn't seen grow up.

A son she hadn't seen become a man.

A son she felt like deserved so much better than her.

All those years, she was too afraid, too scared of what might happen to her or to her dragons, she had neglected to think about her family.

And now, she was all he had left.

Valka knew he was taking the situation hard. She knew he often cried to himself late at night when the town was asleep. She knew he worked himself to exhaustion, trying to be someone he's not, as if there was some kind of image he felt he had to live up to. She knew how much he was afraid of leading an entire island.

She also knew that he would never say any of this to her.

They were practically strangers, after all.

And she knew she needed to fix that.

Two months after the death of the chief, Valka got her opportunity.

It was a particularly busy day in Berk, the kind that only came about when the island had a rare spell of clear, warm weather.

And ever since the sun had come up, Hiccup had been out among the residents, checking on everything and everyone relentlessly. And Valka had been there in the shadows, watching the day go on, and her son getting clearly more fatigued. But he was stubborn. Like his father always was. And he wasn't giving himself a break.

Finally, long after the sun had set, and Valka was long settled back at the Haddock house, did he come home for the night.

Valka was sitting in the main room by the hearth, drinking a cup of tea, when the door opened and her son stumbled into the house, nearly tripping when the ground changed to wooden boards. He looked horrible, his hair more of a mess than usual, his eyes without their typical spark, his posture slumped and clearly leaning more to the right despite his attempt not to show it.

"Hiccup, why don't you take a s-" Valka started.

"I can't. I need to go upstairs and work on a renewed treaty with-"

"Well, can't that wait until-"

"No, if I let it sit any longer, the people will start to worry for our relations, and-"

"Son, look at yourself, you need to take care of your own needs, too."

"Since when do you care about what I need?" He snapped, not even noticing the look on his mother's face. "Where were you when I was being treated like the village outcast? Where were you when Dad disowned me? Where were you when I finally woke up from a months long coma only to find out I was missing a third of a leg? Where were you when I needed advice and support? Where were you when Dad grieved every anniversary, or birthday, or holiday? Where were you when I needed _a mother?"_ Hiccup's final words hung in the air for a moment while he realized what he'd said. His expression quickly changed into a look of immediate regret. "Oh, no, Mom, I-I didn't mean it, I-"

"No. You're right." Valka said, any emotion indecipherable. "And it's the biggest mistake of my life."

"No, don't say that. I shouldn't have-"

"But I _wasn't_ there when you needed me. I missed out on so much… maybe if I had tried harder to come back, you wouldn't have grown up alone, or shunned by your peers. Maybe I could've worked harder to convince everyone of the dragons' true nature." Valka was crying now, her words spoken between tears. "Maybe I could've prevented you from… from being crippled. Maybe… maybe I could've saved… m-my husband…"

"Mom!"

Valka opened her eyes to see her son on his knees right in front of her, so their gaze was level with each other. He set his hands on her shoulders, eyes brimming with mixed emotions. "Don't say that, Mom… please."

"Is it not true?" She asked, still caught up in her guilt.

Hiccup stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. "I… won't say I don't wish you had been there… But you can't hold yourself responsible for everything that happened…"

"You said it yourself, though. I wasn't there for you or Stoick. For twenty years, I chose the dragons over my own family."

"But if you hadn't been there for the dragons, then Drago would have won."

Valka looked back at her boy, thinking he was joking; but his expression was as serious as could be.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you hadn't left, Berk may not have been at war with the dragons. And if Berk wasn't at war with the dragons, I wouldn't have made that bola cannon. And if I hadn't made that bola cannon, I wouldn't have shot Toothless down. And if I hadn't shot Toothless down, I never would've become who I am today. And if I hadn't become who I am, then we never could've beaten that menace." He pulled his mother off her chair so she was sitting on the floor with him. "My point is, that everything, you leaving, me and Toothless meeting, Dad dying, and yeah, even all _this" _-he gestured to his leg- "happened because it was supposed to."

Valka smiled gratefully at him, but her eyes were still tinged with doubt. "I suppose you're right… I just wish there was some way for me to make it up to you."

Hiccup returned her grin. "Don't worry. You already have."

"How?"

"You're here now."

"Oh, Hiccup…" Valka looked him over, taking in everything she had missed for twenty years. His dark leather armor. His one of a kind metal handiwork. His auburn hair that was a mix of hers and Stoick's. His green eyes that so resembled her beloved's. The smile that was all his own.

He was right. She couldn't change the past; all she could do was make it right for the future.

"Thank you, son. You're a wiser man than I ever could've hoped you'd be. And you will be a great chief. Just promise me something…"

"Yeah?"

"Promise you'll stop working yourself so hard. You aren't your father, Hiccup. And none of us expect you to be. You need to lead in your own way, and respect your own needs. You can do that, right?"

"I'll do my best. No guarantees," he added with a sly smile and that signature touch of sarcasm.

Valka laughed. "Now come on, you need to rest."

"I couldn't agree more." Hiccup slowly pushed himself up, starting towards the stairs to the loft, then he stopped, turning back to Valka. "Hey Mom?"

Valka looked back at him, waiting for him to go on.

He stated to say something, then stopped. "N-nevermind."

"What is it, Hiccup?"

He laughed a little in apparent embarrassment. "It's just… d-do you think you could come upstairs with me? And maybe… help a little?"

"And here I thought you just wanted to be in my wonderful presence," Valka joked, getting a laugh out of her son. "But in seriousness, Hiccup, you don't ever need to ask. I'm glad to help."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Of course."

With that, Valka stepped to Hiccup's side, letting him wrap his arm around her. Then the mother and son made their way upstairs to get some much needed rest.

She wasn't there for support before. But she would always be there for him now.


End file.
